Blackout

Lately I can’t sleep. I traded my Apple watch for analog years ago, but I’m guessing a sleep score of sorts would be, “are you on an island in Fiji playing Survivor?” I think I’d be more inclined to go back to Big Tech if they could relate their health advice to my favorite TV shows. “Watch out! Your blood pressure today is using an ice cream machine on Chopped.”

I started employing the blackout curtains in my bedroom. They were left from the software engineer I subletted from when I first moved in. The curtains clocked in at about 11pm last night and they were relieved when I decided 7am was enough sleeping in. I read somewhere that women biologically need more sleep than men. I’m non-binary. Lately, I just take whatever advice benefits me, whichever movie theater bathroom line is the shortest. At Barbie, I’m a man, and when it comes to sleep, I am woman.

My sister texts me back at 7:14am PT. She lives in Brooklyn, so I wonder if she’s surprised that I reply back right away. I remember my toxic ex-boss saying, “I get my best work done in the morning before my kids wake up.” Everything is quiet before 9am and no one expects anything from you. The world is clicking through NYT Cooking emails and coffee in bed and cleaning my ears with Q-tips even though I know I’m not supposed to.

My sister and I talk about how we feel like our parents. We can’t sleep in, we are waking up at the “ass crack of dawn” for no reason. I don’t have work today; I didn’t set an alarm. I have emails and a couple phone calls but no schedule except for getting my Subaru serviced, so it doesn’t break down when I drive to LA in about a week. I have time to go on a long walk this morning before I drive to Redwood City. I guess I got up at the ass crack of dawn for a Verve coffee.

I think Archie will heal me. Archie is my family’s new dog. New feels like a weird word to say for a family member. I don’t even think he’s new anymore: he’s already picked out his favorite chair to sit on, his favorite toys, his favorite ways to mess with us. While Carlsen Subaru is servicing my vehicle, I will be cuddling with Archie. When I was having a bad day on Tuesday, I texted my parents “I’m having a bad day, can you send a picture of Archie?” They sent me a picture of the pup and asked what happened. I looked at the picture and forgot to respond back until later.

I might stop by the pet store a block away from my apartment. When everything feels overwhelming I like to pick a side quest to work on, a softball task to complete and if I do everything will be okay. One time at the cooking school, I was in such a bad mood I made my side quest preparing a surprise dessert parfait for the students with leftover strawberries and panna cotta. I raced to Casa Guadalupe down the street to buy a package of cookies to crumble on top. It became my mission, my magnum opus. It reminds me of The Office episode when Michael has the team play a murder mystery game while they’re on edge if the branch is closing down. Sometimes we need a distraction to get through the day, to eventually when the dust settles clean our glasses and see clearer. I think my side quest today will be buying Archie a new toy. He already has so many, but he deserves it. He deserves the world.